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For social media, it’s not the heat, it’s the anonymity

If you follow my blog, you might have seen that there was a big story in my hometown of Ridgewood, New Jersey last week, where my son’s middle school principal wanted to ban Facebook for students. I didn’t agree with him, but it is hard to disagree with his concern over cyber-bullying. In some ways, businesses grappling with social media run into some of the same issues, where foul language, angry rants, and lots of venting sometimes bring more heat than light to discussions. But after thinking about the discussions of last week a lot more over the weekend, I am starting to wonder if the problem with social media is not the heat, but the anonymity.

If you read my post from last week, I hope you checked the great discussion in the comments about this issue, even by students. One of the things that came up over and over was the difference between Facebook and Formspring, which mainly has to do with the level of anonymity allowed the participants. Too often, people lump together all social media into the same bucket, which happened in last week’s discussion. The principal wanted to ban usage of all social networks, regardless of how they work.

Now, I don’t want to be too critical, because middle school principals shouldn’t have to be experts in social media, any more than my business clients are. But I see social media misunderstood all the time, including by businesses, which can make social media scarier than it should be.

Social media is a tool, not unlike a telephone. But there are many uses for telephones. Most of the uses are extremely helpful and valuable. Some of those uses (such as dialing a phone sex service) shouldn’t be something we allow children to do. And some behavior on the phone (threatening calls) are nothing any adult should have to be subjected to either. Social media, unfortunately, is the same–just a tool. While banning social media for children might seem to solve the problem, it doesn’t, any more than banning use of the phone solves those problems. And businesses can stay away from social media because of these problems, but they will soon suffer the consequences, just as if they banned use of the phone.

We don’t expect parents to ban phone usage for children to keep them from calling phone sex numbers–those services need a credit card to be provided, which keeps (almost all) kids out. It’s illegal for anyone to make an obscene or threatening phone call, so it’s (mostly) safe for kids to answer the phone, too. Likewise, businesses can be comfortable allowing their employees to make and receive calls, even though they know that the phone can sometimes be a nefarious or dangerous venue. We’ve placed enough restrictions on phone usage that we don’t have to worry. We might need to do the same thing for social media, even though those controls might be different.

I keep coming back to the anonymity as a big part of the social media problem. Think about how you think about an anonymous phone call versus calls where the callers identify themselves, even though you don’t absolutely know for sure who they are. If you looked at my post earlier, and then you looked at a similar post on the same subject that allows anonymous comments, you’ll see that the differences are striking. His post was a bit more inflammatory than mine, but check the difference in tone between the anonymous commenters and the ones who identified themselves on his blog.

That is what bullying is all about. Bullies are cowards by nature, so they won’t do what they do if they can be found out and held responsible. Online bullies want to be anonymous, whether they are children bullying other children or adults bullying businesses or celebrities or others.

So, where does that leave us? I think that we so-called experts in social media and the social networks themselves must step up and make this whole industry safer for both children and for adults. To me, the big thing that distinguishes safer places from less safe places is the policy on anonymity. Anonymous social media users are usually more coarse, more reckless, and more prone to the “more heat than light” problems that both children and businesses would like to avoid.

So what can be done? Clearly every person has a right to be anonymous online should they choose to be, and everyone (in most countries) has a right to free speech, even if that speech might offend other people. I would never want governments or other powerful forces to eliminate that kind of speech, but I do want people who should not be or choose not to be exposed to this kind of thing to have ways of using social media safely.

So, the first thing that we need to do is to allow people to authoritatively identify themselves if they want to. (And parents would then be able to tell their children that they may only participate in social media if they are identifying themselves.) Now, the privacy implications of this are enormous–we’d need to have a good discussion about how to ensure that our identifiable information is shared only as we want.

But we have precedence for this. Paypal knows exactly who you are, even to the point of knowing your checking account number, because it must avoid being defrauded. Paypal is extremely careful about who (if anyone) receives this information, but it’s clear who you are at all times. Facebook could do the same thing, for those that choose to participate. (In some ways, this would be similar to Amazon’s Real Names reviews, although the identification might need to be more stringent.)

To be fair to Facebook, it already prohibits those under 13 from participating, so the middle school principal should have no issue with them. Unfortunately, the students know how to game Facebook’s identification process by choosing a high school, lying about their ages, and getting other Facebook users (other kids) to confirm them. A better identification system might stop this underage usage. Or we could adopt better identification processes so that we felt that we could allow kids on social networks, but perhaps with different rules–such as they can interact only with other identified users. As for Formspring, it’s anonymous nature makes it a place that kids probably don’t belong on–think about that if you are a parent.

We constantly lament our children’s lack of judgment at times over what they are willing to post. If we clearly identified who people are, it might actually help children realize that they are not as anonymous as they think they are. It might actually help activate their judgment.

Businesses might adopt the same kind of approach. They will respond to everyone who complains about them, perhaps, but they have a different set of responses for those who identify themselves, much as an anonymous letter to a government official carries less weight than one from a registered voter. And their employees must identify themselves, too, and identify that they work for that business. Then anyone can judge the credibility of statements based on who they are from, just as you might want to know the political party of a speaker on a public issue.

And suppose we all decided we were all going to be ourselves online. I’m not saying that there is no place for anonymous discussions, but can we change the culture so that being anonymous was not the default? Not in a legal way–we would always allow people free speech–but could we set the expectation that there are places online where you know who everyone is and that identity is part of credibility in taking part in the discussion?

And could we emphasize that those are the places where children belong? And can they learn to use cyberspace in a place where there are training wheels? Can we run our businesses so that we respond differently to people who identify themselves than those who don’t?

I don’t know that there are no holes in this idea. In fact, I suspect that there are many. But I need to take my own advice and do it wrong quickly. I’d rather put out this half-baked idea and ask people to shoot holes in it than keep thinking about it and have nothing happening. What’s wrong with all of us deciding to identify ourselves in our online lives and asking others to do the same? Please let me hear it in the comments below.

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Mike Moran

Mike Moran is an expert in internet marketing, search technology, social media, text analytics, web personalization, and web metrics, who, as a Certified Speaking Professional, regularly makes speaking appearances. Mike’s previous appearances include keynote speaking appearances worldwide. Mike serves as a senior strategist for Converseon, an AI powered consumer intelligence technology and consulting firm. He is also a senior strategist for SoloSegment, a marketing automation software solutions and services firm. Mike also serves as a member of the Board of Directors of SEMPO. Mike spent 30 years at IBM, rising to Distinguished Engineer, an executive-level technical position. Mike held various roles in his IBM career, including eight years at IBM’s customer-facing website, ibm.com, most recently as the Manager of ibm.com Web Experience, where he led 65 information architects, web designers, webmasters, programmers, and technical architects around the world. Mike's newest book is Outside-In Marketing with world-renowned author James Mathewson. He is co-author of the best-selling Search Engine Marketing, Inc. (with fellow search marketing expert Bill Hunt), now in its Third Edition. Mike is also the author of the acclaimed internet marketing book, Do It Wrong Quickly: How the Web Changes the Old Marketing Rules, named one of best business books of 2007 by the Miami Herald. Mike founded and writes for Biznology® and writes regularly for other blogs. In addition to Mike’s broad technical background, he holds an Advanced Certificate in Market Management Practice from the Royal UK Charter Institute of Marketing and is a Visiting Lecturer at the University of Virginia’s Darden School of Business. He also teaches at Rutgers Business School. He is a Senior Fellow at the Society for New Communications Research. Mike worked at ibm.com from 1998 through 2006, pioneering IBM’s successful search marketing program. IBM’s website of over two million pages was a classic “big company” website that has traditionally been difficult to optimize for search marketing. Mike, working with Bill Hunt, developed a strategy for search engine marketing that works for any business, large or small. Moran and Hunt spearheaded IBM’s content improvement that has resulted in dramatic gains in traffic from Google and other internet portals.

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Discussion

  1. Avatar marry

    Mike I think we should teach our children from the begining that what is wrong and what is right.I agree with your statement. We should simply keep an eye upon our children in every field.

  2. Avatar Mike Moran

    I agree, Marry. I think the challenge for those of us that understand social media is to help parents learn enough that they can teach their children. I think parents are overwhelmed at the thought of needing to be some kind of social media expert in order to help their kids. The last thing a parent wants is to try to give their child advice and have the kid realize that the parent has no clue about what they are talking about. We need to help the parents to know enough that the kids take their advice seriously.

  3. Avatar Cory Grassell

    The answer is not to ban social media, but to police it for young adults and children. Harness the benefits of social networking so your children can see the positives in it. When it comes to companies, social-media guidelines can help establish a framework for engaging consumers in online conversations. Employees need to remember to set their privacy controls in their profile settings accordingly (so certain groups see specific posts). Or they can establish different accounts for different uses: personal versus business. And the list goes on… Regardless, social media, like most things, can be abused, much like the telephone, etc. Didn’t we all have these same fears when the Internet came about? Schools need to remain relevant in understanding, addressing and adopting changing technology and user behaviors; only then will students understand how to embrace it.

  4. Avatar Mike Moran

    I agree wholeheartedly, Cory. I think schools must teach the students (and maybe the parents, too), but I also sympathize with educators that feel as though every new thing that comes down the pike gets dumped on the schools, taking away time from core education. I wonder if people versed in social media could volunteer to helps students, parents, and educators get up to speed. I offered that for my school system and I wonder if others could do the same.

  5. Avatar Jann Mirchandani

    Great article. And I agree. A blanket ban does nothing to help children learn to use these tools. And it’s important that kids – and parents – realize that they aren’t as anonymous as they think they are. We had an incident in our school just recently. A 5th grader saved a document on a common folder essentially tearing down a 3rd grader. The school fairly easily found out who it was mainly because kids don’t realize how much information they really are sharing even when they don’t use their name.

  6. Avatar Mike Moran

    Thanks, Jann. I agree with you that we need to make kids feel less anonymous so that their brains will kick in on what they can get away with. Then, through repetition, they will eventually conform to norms because they have internalized them. But the allure of getting away with something because you think you are anonymous is one of the worst aspects of social media for kids (and I would argue for adults, too).

  7. Avatar build a niche store

    Thanks for the details.Quite an interesting concept you have discussed over here.Always get to learn a lot of new things from your posts about marketing.but i think Social media marketing is known to be extremely time consuming and a very difficult chore. It is necessary to do more than simply create a profile on a website…
    cheers

  8. Avatar @pbarbanes

    As father of a 6 year old girl, my wife and I consider ourselves the main teachers of her socialization. Not her peers, not her teachers, though obviously she’s going to learn a ton by interacting with them. Socialization is one of the reasons we sent her to daycare when she was just a baby – so she’d “get” socialization early, vs. hanging out at home in semi-isolation with mom or dad or granny. But as much as others interact with her, we put the onus on ourselves as her parents to discuss the interactions, point out what we consider the good and the bad (and why), and explain good and the bad responses – the choices she has in HOW she interacts with others – proactively and reactively. I know, I know…she’s only 6, but kids absorb more than most people want to believe they do, lol. So we make sure we communiate with her A LOT. She’ll take those lessons and do with them what she will, as we continue to try to steer and guide her.
    Same thing, in a sense, with online social networking (social media, for shorthand). She’s already using the ‘net for schoolwork – using both school-suggested sites and others that we’ll show her, surfing through YouTube to watch her favorite videos, “googling” things, and more. At each step of the way, I talk her through what’s happening and the good and the bad that she might expect, and how she should respond, based on the values we’re instilling in her.
    An example, some cereal box had a “go to blahblahblah.com and see if this secret code is a WINNER!” Of course she wanted to do it. We went to the site, and it of course required an email address before it would dispense the news of her winning or losing. So we talked through that: that the cereal people reallly just wanted to GET something from her – an email address – something that is actually very valuable, just for a CHANCE to win a prize. And odds are, you won’t win the prize. Who wins? The cereal company. She “got” it, and actually didn’t care to continue. And when a similar scenario came up later, she knew what the gig was, and didn’t care to participate.
    So it’s up to us. I think ALL your ideas, Mike, were pretty much on the mark. One of the most well thought-out posts I’ve read on the subject. Sorry for the long Comment.

  9. Avatar Mike Moran

    Great story, pbarbanes.
    As a father of four children (three teens and an 11-year-old), I taught my kids as they grew up, much as you are doing, but as they get older, it gets more difficult. First, they become more private about their interactions, which is age-appropriate. Second, as social media morphs through the years, your kids are likely to be ahead of you in their adaptation. My kids, for example, knew about Formspring months before I did, and they had to explain the dangerous aspects of it to me.
    When kids are little, we can control everything and it’s imperative that we teach them, as you point out. When they get a bit older, they can teach us, if we’ve done our jobs properly.

  10. Avatar rbruiz

    Social media its meant to be used for exchange of information good or bad we must at least consider the welfare of our children and put them away in such kind of information

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